Will You Hate ME - Dawud Wharnsby Ali

I was listening to a range of nasheeds I've downloaded from the internet while I was working on my thesis. I was not really paying much attention to the lyrics of the first few songs until, I heard the familar melodious voice of Dawud Wharnsby Ali. Who would not stop and listen to his beautiful voice? I started paying attention to the wordings.

Smile in the two- way mirror of my eyes
I put on my faith like I wear a disguise
You can’t see my soul
See the life that I live
Show you the mask of the best I can give
I’ve hid here afraid like a child behind.
Truth of my thoughts that clutter my mind.
What if you knew about all that I do?
Things that I think,
The me that is true.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would you closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I only listened half way and I already felt like Mr. Dawud is mocking me. In a moment, I thought the song was especially written for me. Honeslty, I can relate with the song very well. The song reminds me of my personal experiences and stories. The story of friends that I lost because of the mask that I wear got torn away, revealing my true face which disgusted them. The friends who backed away because of the secrets I concealed in my chest somehow leaked. The wrong judgements that I get from my family and friends for thoughts that were never voiced out. I lost count on the thrashings and curses hurled by my family and friends - just because the "true me" seem to be rebellious or 'unusual' to them. Well... to be honest, the "true me" never really like most of their attitude, their opinions, and their ways of doing things. However, I value their friendship and respect them for who they are. Hence, forcing me to wear a mask saying, "I agree with you", "I'll compromise", "I'll support you (eventhough I dont like it)".

Haaaaaaahhh (sigh*)... they never returned the favor or at least try to listen to my explanation. They just shout at the top of their lungs at me and some of them decided to alienate me. For a long time, I thought I was the bad apple, the guilty one.

Thanks to Mr. Dawud! I am no longer feeling guilty, finally I am relieved. Somehow the song proved that every person must have their own dark secret and evil thoughts that they are trying to protect, just like me. They also have things that they dont want to share with others, just like me. I've heard a saying once, 'a coin has two faces and a human being can have more than two'. HAH!!! So who's the hypocrite now?? All those people who never listen and brutally judged other people? Who, in the same time hiding their hedious face behind those beautiful masks?? hahahha!! :))

But praised to Allah s.w.t., only He knows what truly lies within me. No matter how evil my thoughts or my deeds were; He, THE LORD, never turn His back on me. He truly made me a more humble servant. Always, HUMAN tries to act 'GODLY' by judging and punishing others who they dont understand (or at least try to). But Allah constantly forgives His creations eventhough He knows what's instore in every nook and corner of every people's mind and heart.